did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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