isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
