my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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