i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
