I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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