i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
