theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
