I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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