bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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