alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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