I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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