you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
