thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
