If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
