last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
