remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I will pee on everything he values.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
