This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
