Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
