Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
