it's like her boobs came off with her bra
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
