Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We had to coat check the pizza.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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