I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
