i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
