is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
