kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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