I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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