I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
not ubering you a puppy
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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