I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
