dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
