I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
not ubering you a puppy
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
