I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
