I am in a vortex of obligation.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
