He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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