Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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