dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
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on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
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I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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