how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
