great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Houston, we have a blender
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
