if i died would you start the facebook group?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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