I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
