John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Come see our sink grown plant.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
