are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
