I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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