think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
