Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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