I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
