If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
