I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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