My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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