He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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