I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
