and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
