I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
