All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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