I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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