Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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