My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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