white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
