I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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