we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.