When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot