So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.