Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
seriously i just wanna be friends
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
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i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
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I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?