We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high