youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
