She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
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is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
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It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now