Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
