The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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