she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
