In America we eat man semen.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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