If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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