every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
