hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
