Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
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