the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
