What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
