Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
