two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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