He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
