To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
