So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
