She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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