At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
no you cant smoke seaweed
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
